SWOLLEN

When I sleep and dream of my earliest memories I am five
I can’t see myself at all but I look down and my hands are bleeding
So now we are in my dream and I think I am a five year old girl
my hands are so sore, they are swollen around the knuckles
and then I remember this is my earliest memory, and it is made up of only three senses
taste, touch, then come the sounds
hearing in my dreams your dry lips smacking, pulling your spit in and down your throat from the corners of your mouth, cause you are panting now
drooling like a dog that’s ill and when you are finished with me, neither of us have anything to say
maybe you were ashamed too
now we are in my dream
I am calm and still able to forget but my hands are covered in sweat, heavy knuckles
causing my arms to feel tired and wrists to fall limp
I’m weakened by my heavy hands
When I dream of my earliest memories I am five and I can tell
Since I don’t yet know how to properly clean underneath my nails
So pieces of you stay there, your oily skin, rancid breath, your dominance
your assault
These pieces of you stay there and slowly rot my hands
All of me that’s left is swelling quickly, my hands no longer my weapons
I’ve absorbed you now completely and the pain has moved from my fallen fingers to my chest and when I breath I can taste your attack
The memory of you reverberates in my lungs like common congestion
But what is now living off of my breath and common